The Button Anomaly

Ever since we announced we were having a little girl, the girlie outfits have come pouring in.

Like by the dozens.

I mean like I could open my own retail store with the shit this kid owns. It's NUTS.

And since she was born, the insanity HAS NOT STOPPED.

Why?

Because this child has two grandmothers and a great aunt who seem to think it is their personal mission to go bankrupt dress this child in as many outfits as possible before she is a year old.

And it doesn't stop at clothes.

We got a pack and play from my brother as a gift. My mother bought one for her house for when the baby visits. We got another one to stay at her day care center. My mother decides that THIS ISN'T ENOUGH and gets another one from a neighbor.

Just in case a wild man with an insatiable grudge against pack and plays ransacks our house. We're covered.

In pack and plays.

Anyways, back to the clothes. Anna has gotten a LOT of clothes. Don't get me wrong, most of them are freaking adorable, with the occasional what the f*ck were you thinking thrown in there.

One of my favorite has been this outfit:

Which we received from friends of my mother's in Florida.

I LOVE THIS DRESS. I waited eagerly for a special occasion to dress her up in it, throw some fabulous baby shoes on her and top it all off with a bow that will make even the grouchiest aunts believe she's cute (are you kidding me? how in the HELL did we make such an adorable kid?).

The time came. I decided it would be perfect for my sister-in-law's baby shower. I separated the pieces, and come Saturday morning, went to put it on her. I turn it over and discover...

BUTTONS.

Not snap buttons. REAL buttons.

WTF?

I flipped it over; sure enough, the tag says 0-3 months.

Some jackass designed an outfit PURPOSEFULLY with real poke the plastic heart shaped button through the hole buttons. FOR A NEWBORN.

Really people? I know it's a fancy dress and all, but c'mon.

You really expect me to get this wriggling, kicking, screaming newborn baby into this dress and button it? Even if I had help (which I didn't) it would have been a nightmare.

Long story short, 20 minutes later we left the house.

Yes, I got her into the damn dress and she looked AWESOME.

See?