Whoa, I thought at the time. That is a LOT of work.
I didn't know much about breastfeeding (still don't), but I knew you had to consume extra calories, etc. in order to keep up. And I had the general gist of things that it was tough work.
Fast forward to last night.
When they were here, I was chatting with her regarding my overproduction of breastmilk. I had been joking with my sister-in-law about it, and had joked that we had so much breastmilk I could sell some. They replied that we should freeze some, and I responded that half of our freezer was already full.
Their reply was that they never had that problem. As I told my best friend this story, I recounted how bad I had felt. I hadn't realized my sister-in-law had had so much trouble producing breastmilk, and therefore felt guilty at my apparent success as a milking cow.
Her reply?
She hadn't been able to produce much milk either.
Great. Now I feel like even MORE of a jerk.
And then she went on to tell me how she had been able to breastfeed, but not make enough milk to satisfy the baby, so they had to resort to using formula as well. It made her feel like a failure for a little while, until she realized that---
--she was NOT the only person with this problem.
She went on to point out that while apparently I was plentiful with milk, my child refused to latch. I was also awake every four hours being pumped like a cow. My boobs were sore, and my nipples were so sensitive my husband was going into withdrawal. I felt guilty being a fountain of milk where others struggled, and therefore also guilty if I DIDN'T continue breastfeeding (even though it's f*cking exhausting). But I also felt I was missing out on a bonding experience with my child.
The moral: We each have our problems. We're not alone, and there's NO sense feeling bad or guilty about what we can/cannot do.
So for now, I'm going to allow my breastpump to do its work, be happy that I can produce enough milk for the entire neighborhood my child, and be supportive of the other mommies in my life!
P.S. Milking may be my superpower but washing the breastpump supplies every 8 hours is my goddamn Kryptonite.
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