The Birth Plan

As my due date neared, I did what most rookie moms would do. I looked up what I needed to do to be prepared for this kid. Nursery? Check. Meals frozen? Check. House clean? Check. Laundry done? Check. Hospital bag packed? Check. Car seat bases installed? Check check.

All that seemed to be left was a birthing plan and baking something tasty for the labor and delivery nurses. My mother had never heard of this before, but it seemed like a nice thing to do, and considering I am an extreme planner (my boss once told me in a performance appraisal that I am the most efficient person she knows - and I can't decide if that's a good thing) and was going out of my mind with boredom, I decided to make cookies.

For some reason our oven operates in its own space/time continuum, so while the cookies didn't LOOK perfect, they tasted just fine. I dropped them off the day before I went in to be induced, and all the nurses were appreciative. What about the birth plan, you say? I'll get to that.

The following day we came in at 7 AM and met our nurse for the day, Linda. At first, I wasn't sure we were going to like her. She seemed a bit stuffy, and both my husband and my mother (my support persons) were in agreement. We were encouraged to take walks in the hallway to get things started (bring flip flops or some kind of slip on footwear other than the hospital socks - your back and knees and feet will thank you for not walking on hard hospital floors with no support).

As we passed the nurses station, we caught a glimpse of Linda. This began the turning point in our patient/nurse relationship - Linda had two of our cookies in one hand, and was stuffing a crumbling third into her mouth with the other - somewhat unsuccessfully. She caught our eye, and we all had a good laugh.

While we were taking a break, she came in to take my vitals and ask the 150 questions that all doctors and nurses apparently need to ask every time a pregnant woman visits the hospital - most of which I had answered the day before. Eventually, we came to the big question:

Linda: So what is your birth plan?

Me: Birth plan?

Linda: Any music playing, epidural, shades drawn, special pillows...

Me: Have the baby.

Linda: What?

Me: My plan is to have the baby. Get her out without hurting her or me. If I have a plan, it won't go according to plan, so there's no point in having a plan.

Linda: (turns from the computer to look at me with a big smile) Smart woman.


Yep, we're gonna get along just fine. : )

And we did. Best labor and delivery nurse ever.