The Reproduction Postulate

I would like to propose something.

A license to breed.

At the rate humans reproduce, and the resources we waste consume, it's a wonder this planet will ever be able to sustain us. In the interest of humanity, I propose requiring some sort of testing to be allowed to have children (yes, I realize this may result in the downfall of mankind, but hear me out).

Why?

Because of a conversation I overheard teaching a kindergarten class.

Teacher's Aide (TA): Oohh I have a question!

Me: Yes?

TA: How do the hermit crabs have...(pauses to think) b-a-b-b-ys?

Me: Uh....

TA: Wait wait, that's not right.

Me: Whew...(pause)

TA: How do they have b-a-b-y-s?

Me: (facepalm)

OK, #1, why are you spelling it out? It's totally fine for kids to ask where babies come from. And even if you don't want the kids to know what we're talking about, do you really expect me to respond back to you by spelling?

#2, she had just finished a story about her own child.

Dear God, please tell me she only has one child. And that's why she can't spell babies.

If you are opposed to the license to breed, I have an alternative:

Please? I swear we are de-evolving as a species...

P.S. The answer to her question is, the male carries the female and her shell around, and when she molts, he makes his move. Bow-chicka-wow-wow. : )