The Fake Baby Alternative

When I was in high school, there was a course that eventually became required (thank GOD I missed the requirement period) where part of the class you either had to write a 10 page term paper, or you had to take care of a fake baby for a week.

As in, a plastic doll that would randomly cry throughout the day or night, and you had to hold it, rock it, change its diaper, and "feed" it to make it stop. It had some kind of computer chip in it to show if it had been neglected or not, so you couldn't just shove it in a closet and go back to bed.

I hated these things.

Besides being incredibly disruptive to the school atmosphere, I highly doubted they had the desired effect on the students; to persuade them that taking care of a baby is hard work. Instead, I think it set up some unrealistic expectations.

After all, a plastic baby doesn't yank your hair out of your skull as you try to burp it. A plastic baby doesn't kick you in your c-section scar as she shoots her legs out from her gas pains. A plastic baby doesn't spit up down the entire length of your back. A plastic baby doesn't respond to its mothers voice or a particular song.

Although I'm sure the sleep deprivation is quite the same. At least my child isn't programmed to scream her head off every 20 minutes.....wait.

Dear Lord, please grant me more than 30 minutes of continuous sleep tonight. Or I might trade her in for a plastic counterfeit.

OK I'd never do that. Maybe.