The Breakdown Vomit

It has been awhile since my last post.

Mostly because I haven't had the time. 

Let me explain.

My daily commute is almost 4 hours total.

But I love my job, so I do it. Moving closer isn't an option.

And lately, I've been on the verge of a mental breakdown. I can't get things done. I think about all the things I could be doing while commuting, and it makes me crazy. 

I don't get enough sleep. Mostly because of the pumping schedule. So first move, get the pump out of the equation.

If you know what it's like to quit pumping breastmilk, you know that probably added stress instead of removing it. And pain.

Being in th cerve of a mental breakdown is like vomiting. You know you need to do it, but you don't want to, so you keep trying to hold it off. But it's inevitable.

So speaking from some advice I received, you can either vomit and miss the bucket (and end up cleaning it yourself of gettin it on someone), or you can tell someone you feel lousy and let them hold your hair back and nurse you back to health. 

Let someone take care of you. I know as mommies (or women in general) we feel the need to be strong and shoulder things alone, but don't. Not with that. That's what other mommies are for. Because they totally get it. They've been there and they are willingtonhelp however they can. Let them.

The Food Repurposing

My husband and I got into a plastic food fight the other night.

Yeah, we're THOSE people.

The Milk Analysis

I've been pumping breast milk for ten months now.

The end is in sight. The finish line is SO CLOSE. At least once a day (ok, every time I pump) I consider quitting right then and there.

But I don't. It's only another month and a half. 

Do I feel an obligation to keep going? 

Yes.

But it is my decision to feel this way. My decision to save money on formula and give our daughter all the best things breast milk can do for her. My decision to lose weight(what a happy side effect)! My decision to keep going for all the mommies I know that couldn't do it. Because if they could have done what I have done, they would have. Because they respect the mommies that can do it, and still choose to stop. 

THOSE are the mommies I keep going for.

But I am so very tired. I want to sleep through through the night without waking up to pump. I want to stop awkwardly borrowing offices at work and carrying that backpack back and forth. I want to stop planning trips and schedules around pumping. 

And someday, I'm sure I would love to SLEEP BRALESS. 

SO CLOSE! I CAN TASTE THE MARGARITAS NOW!

The Eavesdropping Juxtaposition

We take turns getting Anna up from her naps. Occasionally I like to eavesdrop on my husband over the baby monitor...and have not been disappointed by the cuteness factor. (Which is already very high anyways. My husband is FRELLING adorable in all manner of speaking. Anna is too.) 

Today he went up to get her while I was cooking dinner. This is what I heard:

H: "Does Mommy have stinky feet? Does Mommy have stinky feet?"

A:"Yah!"

Let the mutiny begin.

The Parent Distraction

I've been crying a lot lately. 

Not because things are going awful. Things are great, thanks for asking,

Probably because it's Anna's first Christmas, and all the sappy movies are on and Christmas music is playing EVERYWHERE. And you get grateful for all you have. 

But that doesn't mean awful things don't happen. Children go missing, parents pass away, grandparents get sick, or any combination of those. Or you read scary books about zombie apocalypses where people give up their children to strangers in order to save them. 

All in all, once you've become a parent, you see the world VERY differently. Things are a lot scarier. Potential disasters are more often than not brought to the forefront of your mind, regardless of how impossible they might seem (you know, like zombie apocalypses. C'mon, you've all considered what you would do in the event of a zombie apocalypse. For the record, head for a prison. Apparently it is your best bet.)

All those stories about parents losing their children really seem to hit home, especially around the holidays. And you wonder, but don't wonder, what it would be like to lose a child. Who would you be? Are you still a parent if you lose a child? How would you react? What sort of person would you become?

I hate to think it, but I would probably become a sadistic version of the Hulk. 

Seriously. 

So I'm going to hug my little one a little closer tonight and thank heavens I have her!

The Princess Potential

We've had so many little boys visiting lately and playing with Anna's toys. 

But the favorite has to be the princess castle. 

Among the notable princess interactions:

The Princess Party:

Apparently just Aladdin and all the ladies.

Dinner at the Wagon:

Batman and Superman dine with the twin Cinderellas and Jasmine. 

The Police Lineup:

Please have your IDs ready.

And my favorite:

The Princesses and the Justice League meeting. Villains welcome.

The Diet Supplementation

I think I'm getting more carbs than usual.

Anna's recently started eating those dissolvable puffs that come in a gazillion unnecessary flavors (peach? Really?). When I take her out of her high chair, there's usually a few that she dropped or missed. So what do I do?

What any parent does. 

Eat em!

I'm not about to walk them back to their container across the room. No way. Even those peach puffs. Yum (mostly). 

Time to hit the gym to burn those extra six calories.